TOPIC: DEFLECTING OFFENCES IN MARRIAGE
MEMORIZE:
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to Wrath: James 1:19
READ: Colossians 3:12-15
12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.
MESSAGE
The first equation in what I call the 'mathematics of marriage' states that Love is blind.' Proverbs 10:12 says that love covers a multitude of sins; therefore, married people should not complain about all of their spouse's faults. To deflect offences, they must learn to accommodate their shortcomings.
Some people are known to call their spouses 'angels' affectionately. Though I am not against this, another equation states that 'Angels don't eat jollof rice.' This is a humorous way of stating that human beings are not angels and, hence, are prone to human mistakes. It is important that married people do not have unreasonable expectations of their spouses that will keep them in a state of being constantly offended. If you're married or about to get married, you must understand that you and your spouse will offend each other many times in your marriage. However, knowing how to deflect those offences and turn them around will help you a lot.
Years ago, I was preparing for a trip, and my wife wanted to accompany me to the airport. I knew she was likely going to delay me, so I said, "A car will move faster if it is not pulling a trailer behind it." She responded, "Who's the trailer?" I could sense that she was offended by what I said, so I quickly said, "I’m the trailer; you're the car. I don't want to slow you down." She laughed and said, "You're not serious." If I didn't know how to turn the situation around, a fight could have started from there. It is important for married people to know when to stop talking or say things that will diffuse the tension when their partners are about to get offended.
James 1:19 is a perfect template for deflecting offences in marriage. When you are swift to hear, you will know how to patiently listen to your spouse without looking for ways to attack him or her or defend yourself unnecessarily. Being slow to speak is knowing that sometimes, it is unwise to say everything on your mind. Lastly, any fellow who is slow to anger will not easily get offended.
Beloved, if you want to have a marriage with fewer fights than offences, you must learn not to have unreasonable expectations of your spouse. You must also learn to accommodate your spouse's weaknesses while you work patiently with him or her to get better through the help of the Holy Spirit.
KEY POINT
To deflect offences, married people must learn to accommodate the weaknesses of their spouses.
BIBLE IN ONE YEAR: Psalms 18-21
AUTHOR: PASTOR E. A ADEBOYE
HYMN 24: I WANT TO BE LIKE JESUS
1 I want to be like Jesus,
So lowly and so meek;
For no one marked an angry word
That ever heard him speak.
2 I want to be like Jesus,
So frequently in prayer;
Alone upon the mountain top,
He met his Father there.
3. I want to be like Jesus,
I never, never find
That He, though persecuted was
To anyone unkind.
4. I want to be like Jesus, Engaged in doing good;
So that of me it may be said,
"He hath done what he could."
5. I want to be like Jesus,
Who sweetly said to all,
"Let little children come to Me,"
I would obey the call.
6. But oh, l'm not like Jesus,
As anyone may see;
O gentle Savior, send Thy grace,
And make me like to thee.
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